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Facing rejection, especially when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. A publisher is turning you down, giving a clear “No.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with rejection. I commenced proposing story ideas 50 years back, upon completing my studies. Since then, I have had two novels turned down, along with nonfiction proposals and many short stories. During the recent score of years, concentrating on commentary, the rejections have only increased. On average, I receive a rejection multiple times weekly—totaling in excess of 100 annually. In total, denials in my profession number in the thousands. By now, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

But, is this a woe-is-me tirade? Absolutely not. Because, at last, at 73 years old, I have embraced being turned down.

In What Way Have I Managed It?

For perspective: At this point, almost every person and their relatives has said no. I’ve never tracked my win-lose ratio—it would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: not long ago, a newspaper editor rejected 20 submissions in a row before approving one. In 2016, at least 50 publishing houses rejected my manuscript before a single one approved it. Later on, 25 representatives passed on a book pitch. One editor suggested that I send potential guest essays less frequently.

The Steps of Setback

When I was younger, every no stung. I took them personally. It was not just my creation was being turned down, but myself.

No sooner a piece was turned down, I would go through the phases of denial:

• First, shock. Why did this occur? How could editors be blind to my skill?
• Next, denial. Surely it’s the wrong person? It has to be an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What do any of you know? Who made you to decide on my work? It’s nonsense and their outlet is poor. I reject your rejection.
• After that, irritation at those who rejected me, followed by anger at myself. Why do I subject myself to this? Am I a masochist?
• Fifth, negotiating (preferably accompanied by optimism). What will it take you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, sadness. I lack skill. Additionally, I can never become any good.

I experienced this for decades.

Great Examples

Of course, I was in good company. Tales of creators whose work was at first rejected are plentiful. The author of Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was originally turned down. Because they managed to succeed despite no’s, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his youth squad. Most Presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in elections. The actor-writer says that his Rocky screenplay and desire to appear were declined 1,500 times. For him, denial as an alarm to rouse me and persevere, rather than retreat,” he has said.

The Final Phase

Then, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I reached the seventh stage of rejection. Understanding. Now, I better understand the multiple factors why an editor says no. For starters, an reviewer may have already featured a like work, or be planning one in the pipeline, or just be contemplating something along the same lines for a different writer.

Or, less promisingly, my submission is of limited interest. Or maybe the evaluator thinks I don’t have the experience or reputation to succeed. Perhaps is no longer in the field for the content I am submitting. Maybe was too distracted and read my piece hastily to see its abundant merits.

You can call it an realization. Everything can be rejected, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Some rationales for denial are always beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Others are under your control. Honestly, my pitches and submissions may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and appeal, or the message I am struggling to articulate is poorly presented. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe something about my writing style, notably commas, was offensive.

The key is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have managed to get published in many places. I’ve authored several titles—the initial one when I was 51, my second, a personal story, at older—and over numerous essays. Those pieces have featured in newspapers large and small, in diverse sources. An early piece ran decades ago—and I have now contributed to various outlets for half a century.

Still, no blockbusters, no signings publicly, no spots on popular shows, no speeches, no honors, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no medal. But I can more readily handle no at this stage, because my, admittedly modest accomplishments have softened the jolts of my many rejections. I can choose to be philosophical about it all at this point.

Valuable Rejection

Setback can be instructive, but when you heed what it’s attempting to show. Otherwise, you will probably just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What lessons have I learned?

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